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What is a hair removal / depilatory cream?
Hair removal cream, or to use its technical name, depilatory cream, is a formulation that has been used for decades to remove hair (mostly from women’s legs or top lips). It contains a chemical that attacks the protein bonds in hair and turns the hair into a jelly like substance (you’ll notice the hairs start to go crinkly a few minutes after you’ve applied the cream). Once the cream has had a chance to work its magic the hairs are easily removed with the Smooth Gorilla Smoothing head and warm water.
How long do the effects last / How often should I use it?
This depends on how fast your back hair grows and to some extent how thick it is. On average we found that most users perform an application every 2 – 3 weeks, which is about the time when you get noticeable regrowth. Using a depilatory cream tends to give longer lasting results than shaving as the hair is removed slightly below the surface of the skin and doesn’t leave a sharp edge, meaning that you don’t get the prickly stubble feeling associated with shaving. Waxing may give longer lasting results – but it is also more painful and more expensive. If you want to try it please go ahead, we’ll still be here when you get back.
Does it smell bad?
In a word – no. You might have smelled hair removal cream before and been quite shocked by the smell (we were too – it can be pretty bad). So you’ll be glad to hear we spent an enormous amount of time and effort getting ours to smell nice. The Smooth Gorilla hair removal cream has a fresh, masculine, citrus smell to ensure that you leave the bathroom smelling nicer than when you went in.
Will my hair grow back thicker / faster?
No, very little affects hair regrowth and Smooth Gorilla will not make your hair grow back thicker or faster. If we do manage to come up with a product that does make hair grow back thicker and faster please rest assured we will definitely sell it for people to stick on their head.
Will it sting or irritate my skin?
The honest answer here is that it definitely shouldn’t do and if it does you should wash it off immediately and stop using it. Some people have very sensitive skin and others seem to be clad in asbestos and for this reason we need to strike a balance. The stronger we make the cream the quicker it works, but with this comes the greater potential for skin irritation. We have erred on the side of caution when formulating our cream to minimise possible adverse reactions and we fall well within all UK and EU guidelines for the formulation and manufacture of depilatory creams. There may be faster acting creams on the market, but we believe that ours is kinder to your skin. If you already know that you have extremely sensitive skin or if you are very allergic to soaps or detergents make sure you do a patch test first.
Where else can I use it?
Smooth Gorilla is safe to use on your back, chest, arms, legs, stomach and the outside of your bottom cheeks (not the crack). Nowhere else. And we really do mean that. Don’t put it in your ears, up your nose, on your face or head or anywhere round your crown jewels. You have totally been warned. You probably won’t die if you do use it in these areas, but you might end up wishing you had.
When experimenting with various application methods we found two major problems – firstly getting a decent amount of cream to stay on the applicator without it falling off, and secondly the amount of wastage. We designed and built lots of plastic dispenser type products, but weren’t happy with how much material would end up in landfill after use. Somewhere in the midst of this frenzied activity the idea of using soft flexible sachets with holes pierced into them was suggested. Sceptical at first, we made some, tested them and were amazed at just how well they worked. Each sachet is made with less than 1g of plastic (so not much at all) which delights us and the planet even more
Why is your packaging weird?
Thanks. We prefer the word “different” but weird is ok too. We use recycled board to make all of our external packaging and have designed it such that it can survive being bashed around the courier depot without the need for an additional shipping box. This means that we can ship our products in small plastic courier bags, which use a tiny amount of material. This saves on transportation costs and is far more environmentally friendly than double boxing. All of our boxes can be recycled as can the polythene bags. It also means that if it’s raining when your product is delivered, you don’t get a soggy box, which is great, because nobody likes a soggy box.
What’s this about a lifetime guarantee?
We guarantee our applicator handle and heads for as long as you have them. If they break or no longer work as you’d like them to, just send them back to us with your name, address and details of your account and we’ll send you a brand new one with your next order of sachets. Reasonable terms and conditions apply – so if you’ve chopped it up with a chain saw or run over it with your car we’re not going to give you a new one, although if you have accidentally done something really silly and you ask really nicely, we might just give you a discount.
What about acts of God?
Your insurance company might not cover you for acts of God – but at Smooth Gorilla we like to think we’ve got your back. Losing your home can be a real pain and there’s nothing worse than losing your home and having a hairy back. Sadly, we can’t rebuild your home but if you lose your Smooth Gorilla kit because your home is destroyed by fire, flood, earthquake, tornado or lightning bolt, just drop us a note with your name and address and some proof (news article/picture/insurance claim) relating to your disaster and we’ll get a new kit shipped out to you free of charge. Don’t forget to include the address of your new temporary residence. Every cloud and all that….
Where can I get my own Gorilla suit?
We got ours from Frank Coffman at Undead Monsters http://www.undeadmonsters.com. He custom makes them to order in Boulder, Colorado in the USA and is a super nice guy. It’s amazing what that man can do with a sewing machine and a bucket of latex. If you do buy one from him, spread the love and tell him that we sent you (we’re currently saving up for an Abominable Snowman so he might give us a discount).